OMG

Michael was trying to look apologetic and sympathetic. He was failing. "Don't worry about it" he said turning to the towering grey bearded figure beside him. "It'll be over before you know it".

"I wasn't worried" the figure growled.

"No, no that's not what I meant. Well, its just that with this new dispensation, it can be ... well .. unsettling. HR is keen to try out new policies" Michael explained.

The grey bearded figure was unimpressed "HR stands for Human Resources as in it applies to humans" the figure replied.

"Well now that you are here, I guess they'll have to change the name - eh Big G!" Michael piped up.

The formerly almighty God turned and fixed him with a powerful stare, "You know I always hated that nickname."

The Archangel Michael paled. He was in no trouble now but old habits died hard. "Well anyway Your Divinity, the new administration wants a full 360-degrees process. So rather than appointing one all-knowing judge, they have instituted a panel of four".

God reflected that this did not bode well. He rued the day he had thought to create the panel. It was a means of avoiding responsibility.

Michael carried on, "Yes four people, a panel of peers".

"I have no peers" the recently deceased God replied.

"Yes, that did pose a problem. People have stopped believing in gods. Let me say, no one was more sorry at the news of your passing away than me" Michael spoke consolingly.

Yes I am dead, thought God. God is dead and will now be judged. A chilling thought occurred to him. "You aren't going to bring old Zeus, Odin and Indra out of retirement for this, are you?"

"No no" assured Michael. "Not them. We thought we would use four people instead. To ensure the panel is unbiased, we chose someone you hurt, one you loved, one whom you benefited and someone who died because of you".

God had a bad feeling about this.

Michael continued "Also, the good thing is that you only need to convince one of them to spare you and you don't have to go to the .... er... bad place".

God grimaced, "Spare me the euphemisms Michael. Lets get this over with. Who is the first judge?"

A twenty something woman appeared in a black t-shirt and jeans. Her hair was dyed pink and she sported a nose ring. Michael introduced her, "God, meet Sally Hearst. She describes herself as an uber liberal crusader for justice".

"Let me explain" interjected Sally, "when I say 'Crusader' I mean that in a non-religious, non-bigoted, anti Euro-supremacy way".

God reflected that this human had no idea what the actual Crusades were like. He looked at Michael. Michael looked embarrassed. "Yes, she is an almost permanent panel member. She is hurt by everyone and judges everyone".

Sally piped up, "I don't like the word 'judges' . . . its so ... well you know ... judgmental. That's like totally old school".

"So how have I affected you?" God inquired.

"Um, hello!" Sally looked surprised. "Obviously I'm hurt. I mean all the awful stuff happening to all those poor people. And the rich capitalists looking down their noses at the rest of us. And that time Tommy Miller broke up with me. You could have done something about that. But nope, you did nothing".

God remembered Tommy Miller had prayed fervently to be free of her but thought it better not mention this. "So I am supposed to plead my case before her?" God asked.

Michael again looked embarrassed. "No, she has already decided".

God looked surprised "she judged me without even meeting me?"

Michael replied "She does that with everyone".

"What did she say?" asked God.

"She said you could go to Hell" replied Michael.

Sally spoke up again, "Let's not call it 'Hell' ok. I don't believe in attaching labels".

But God and the angel Michael were already moving away. Michael explained, "She is our toughest judge. I thought it better to get the worst over with first. Your next judge is Rabbi Nusbaum".

A stoop shouldered and bearded figure came up. God beamed, "An Israelite!" he cried, "one of my chosen people".

The Rabbi looked on with sadness in his eyes. "Sometimes I have wondered why you didn't choose someone else." he muttered.

God recalled Nusbaum. "Ah my poor child. You have known hardship and evil".

"So you do remember" said the Rabbi.

"Of course I remember you" said God. "I remember you being orphaned in Germany. I was with you when you escaped the Nazis. I was with you when you built a new life in Israel. I was with you in your dying moments".

The old man interjected "You forgot Joseph. My son, Joseph. Whom you turned away at your gate because the terrorists who kidnapped him forced pork into his mouth before shooting him".

God did not speak. "I am sorry" said the Rabbi and walked away. A tear came out of God's eye.

Michael spoke "Let's not be downcast. We have yet to meet half the panel. Next up, we have someone who benefited from you. We have brought him out specially from Hell, the renowned televangelist Reverend Ricky Parsons."

As the beaming TV friendly face of Rev Parsons appeared, even God could not contain a groan. He reflected that to call the reverend a weasel would be to invite the wrath of the SPCA. God spoke "well you certainly benefited from me."

"I can't complain Lord," Parsons tried to charm his way. "I was just a humble servant, spreading the good word."

God knew he had to plead but He couldn't bring Himself to do that. He bellowed instead, "You are one of the reasons people stopped believing in me. You caused my death!"

"Now ... now. No need to get worked up" smiled the reverend.

"Worked up?" God thundered, "You broke every commandment in my book and then broke some I hadn't thought necessary to spell out".

The reverend's pretenses fell away. "Lets not get all high and mighty now. You aren't the deity you were. There is a new management in town and I hear they would be more than happy to be rid of you".

God looked with contempt, "Ah yes, the new God whom everyone worships now. The God of Money".

The reverend was unapologetic, "I have been his lifelong devotee. So, out with the old and in with the new, I say." Rev Parsons flashed one of his TV smiles and disappeared.

God let out a sigh. "Alright Michael. I'll face my fate like a god. Who is to be my final judge?"

"That would be me" said a voice behind them. "Don't worry, I save everyone" Jesus reassured.