Dog Days

The pearly white of the gates were offset by the delicate rosebush. Fido sniffed around. Hmmm.. a scent of fresh pine and a distant hint of ... yes it had to be .... squirrel. Ah this was really heaven.

A wizened greybeard appeared with a heavy tome. "Well Fido, lets see whose been a good boy?"

"Arf!" barked Fido.

The old man's features hardened. "Now don't give me any of that. That cute dumb animal act may have worked with the humans down on Earth, but up here we know you. Of perhaps you want to look at the alternative" he thundered.

The temperature suddenly rose and Fido ha to pant. The delicately fragrant air was polluted by the smell of brimstone and cat urine. Fido yelped. "All right, all right. You can't blame a guy for trying. One gets used to that sort of thing. I promise to behave. Just stop this".

\The pearly gates came back into view. The old man opened his book. "Now lets see, your master was a Pawan Gupta. Is that correct?"

"Yes ... for my sins, he was" replied Fido. "I never really liked him. Imagine, giving your best friend a name like Fido. Also, what kind of a bozo tires to rear a husky in a tropical climate?"

The old man was unimpressed "Hmph. That is besides the point. We all have to make the best of what we have. You don't hear me complain do you? Even though I was crucified".

Fido was equally unimpressed, "Imagine you had to wear an Arctic fur coat through that".

The greybeard continued, "It says here, you would sometimes sulk the whole day".

"I was bored. I was meant to be a working dog. Not a rich boy's playmate. Now if I had some snow and a sled, that would have been fun. But all that Fat Master wanted was to watch TV all day".

"It says you go the neighbor's dog pregnant".

"Yeah! That was one classy lady. A Shih Tzu. A real royal dog. And I always had a thing for those Chinese features. But it was never proved I did it".

The man glared.

"All right all right, it was me. I guess the pups' blue eyes were a give away".

"Did it bother you that the litter had to be separated from their mother and given up?"

"Hey, that was hardly my decision. Besides as you said, we have to make the best of what we get".

"It is written that you wrecked your master's living room furniture".

Fido was indignant, "I should be thanked for getting rid of those eyesores. The man had no taste".

The man's tone grew graver. "Now we come to a more serious matter. What about Bella the cat?"

Fido stiffened "You know about that?"

"We know everything" the ancient one spoke.

"Well you know what kind of a bitch .... sorry molly, she was. She attacked everything she could. A bloody psychopath. Always going on about sex and violence. If it wasn't one it was the other. You should see her record if you want to go into that".

The grey one spoke "In other words, she was a cat".

"Well then I guess it was curiosity that killed the cat."

"Curiosity?" asked the old man.

"I was anxious to see if she really had nine lives".

"Enough". The old figure slammed shut his book. "Fido! You are an unrepentant sinner! A criminal amongst canines. You will spend the next ten years being cleansed of your sins in Purgatory before you are admitted into heaven".

Fido struck up a tough pose. "Yeah yeah, bring it on. You don't scare me. You ...." Fido paled. "Oh no! No! Not that! I thought you were being metaphorical!"

Fido tucked his tail and turned to run. But powerful hands grabbed and lifted him. He was unceremoniously dumped into a tub for the first of a long series of a long series of baths.