The Boon

I slumped at the desk, my eyes sore, my back hurting and my mind in a dull fog. The clock in the corner of my screen showed it was 11:30pm. My inbox showed an increasing number of unread messages from an increasingly impatient client wanting to know when the issue would be resolved.

My eyes closed. My mouth moved in an involuntary prayer. I was bust, if this client also left, the whole team could be shut down. My screen suddenly turned blue. No! no! Not hte screen of death!

But something was off. The letters on the screen were wrong and also the wrong font. Instead of Terminal, these were in Gothic.

"Go not be alarmed mortal! Your prayer has been heard". I paused. Was someone having a joke on me? I looked around and the office was empty. Should I call IT support?

"There is no need for my acolytes. I am here myself. Ask what boon you desire". the screen continued. Tentatively, I pressed a key. The letter appeared on the screen. I typed, "Who are you?"

"I am the God of Software. My powers are great and my mercies infinite. Ask of me what you will for I am Algorithmicus!"

I pinched myself. Nope, the screen was still here. Was I going mad? I was certainly sleep deprived enough. What the heck, if this was a delusion, I'd run with it. "Can you solve the bugs in my program?"

"Nothing simpler. As you say, 'tathastu' or as I say, Githubica Copilotus!" My text editor opened automatically. The cursor scrolled down to line 10,957 and initialized a pointer variable. The program ran perfectly now. My jaw dropped. Hesitantly, I typed "Thanks".

"Think nothing of it. Always glad to help a devotee. Was there anything else?"

My mind reeled. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I couldn't let it go. How could I capitalize on this? I typed, "Could you just tell me which cryptocurrency to buy?"

I got a long silence. Just as I was worrying if I had offended the divinity, it replied "Some things are even beyond divine comprehension".

"Time to try something else "Can you make me an app I could sell for millions of dollars?"

It replied, "I could make it, but you wouldn't understand it. Nor would you be able to sell it. Face it, most engineers aren't any good at selling. That is why they dream of MBAs".

That jibe hurt. Especially as I had failed my MBA entrance tests last year. I had to think of something and quick. I wrote, "Oh Lord, my love life is bad. Can you create an app to make me charming and irresistible?"

"Hmmmm .... So be it! Bumble Tindr Grindr! May you seek and find her!"

A beep sounded on my phone. It said Charmer app downloaded. I looked up at my computer monitor but the writing was gone. I was looking at the regular windows wallpaper.

I verified my program still worked, saved it, responded to the customer and checked out for the day. I was too tired to do anything that night.

The next morning, I awoke and opened the app. The Gothic font appeared. "Good Morning".

I replied "Hi, how can I start making myself charming?"

It responded, "Get out of bed and do twenty pushups".

"What? How is that helping? You were supposed to teach me how to be charming".

The phone replied, "I am the god of software, not flabby wear. You want to charm someone, then lose some weight".

Reluctantly, I did as it said. That night, I left early and walked into a bar. On the stool sat a lovely creature. I opened my app. It said, "Go up to her and introduce yourself".

I walked up and said, "Hi, I am Ashok".

She turned her ravishing eyes to me and asked, "Hi. Sorry but have we met before?"

I glanced down at my phone screen. It said, "You have reached the limit of free boons. Please watch advertisements to continue".